so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize