I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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