just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
