shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize