this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
