I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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