note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
