We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
