it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
