life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
