Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize