just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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