remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
