that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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