ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
