Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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