The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I could fuck to npr.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
