There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize