I'm gonna have a badass scar
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
