I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
