i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
