Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
