Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
