you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
