I molested 6 butterflies tonight
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
