Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize