perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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