I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize