A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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