In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
