i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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