Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
