I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
