Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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