he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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