two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
