She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
