a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
