i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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