I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
