Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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