Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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