Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
