Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I am one with the molecules
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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