So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
