im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
