I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
