haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
