a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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