she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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