I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
