seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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