guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He felt like a one man threesome
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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