So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
