What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
