Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
