Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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