Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
