I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
