who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
