I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
