and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
