how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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