I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize